I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
