I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
