its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
