Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
