our cab driver is having phone sex.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
