where does the pee come out of this thing
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
