There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
