you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
