I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
