I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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