I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
