Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
