pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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