somebody snuck up and got me drunk
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
