I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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