Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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