Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
