lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize