So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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