Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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