Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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