Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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