I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
