I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
