So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When did angry sex become our thing?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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