So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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