i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
