i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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