how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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