Heybabeimwearingurpanties
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
