the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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