A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
