I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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