The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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