Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
