I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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