We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
