booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
