Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
