Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
