I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize