Jerry, you need to find god
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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