tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
