did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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