There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
