You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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