If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
