How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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