Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
