well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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