Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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