My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize