Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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