Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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