He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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