Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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