He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize