My room smells like vodka and shame
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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