dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
