Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
