Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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