Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize