So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
