dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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