Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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