I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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