he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
