btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
