i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
