the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Girls should come with a carfax report
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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