Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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