so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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