It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
