i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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