My balls are so social today.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize