You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
