the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
