Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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