They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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