As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
