just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
