Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
