A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
