I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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