I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize