Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
