I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
