I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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