So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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