If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
