what day is it and did you see me today?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I checked into jail on foursquare
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
