hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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