how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
