He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
