apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
