Kiss
Puke
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
