I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He is an equal opportunity slut.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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